Cards and Letters to the Editor
Cards and Letters to the Editor
Mr. Joshua Tree of Joshua Tree, California wrote in to ask:
“Dear Editor,
My favorite member of The Paulie Family is Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall, how can I become more like him?
Sincerely,
Joshua”
Editor’s Reply:
Well Joshua, it’s not easy being Tracy. You have to have a very rigid set of moral values that you’ll never back away from. Let’s give you a little test. I’m going to give you a scenario and a choice of options in dealing with the situation. The rest of you readers can feel free to play along. Now then, here is the scenario…
You’re riding on public transportation and it’s really crowded. A young attractive woman gets on board carrying a screaming baby. The fat woman sitting next to you gets up, so that she’s no longer pinning you against the window like an air bag from the glove compartment of a 1988 Buick Regal, and now you’re once again able to breathe, however, the sound of the screaming baby is no longer muffled.
The fat woman offers the seat to the young attractive woman and her screaming baby. The young attractive woman sits down and wants to get her baby a bottle to quiet the baby down, but she has her arms full. She holds the baby out to you and asks you if you’ll mind holding it for a minute while she gets the baby’s bottle out. You reply back with:
A. Why I’d be delighted! My, what a little cutie she is, is she you’re first?
Or;
B. Certainly, they can be quite a handful at this age, can’t they?
Or;
C. GET THAT DAMN THING AWAY FROM ME!!!
Okay, pencils down! Now then Joshua, let’s see how you did… If you answered A or B, then I’m sorry, but you’re way too big a wuss to even begin to try being like Tracy. You see Joshua, there are already 6.555 billion people on this planet, and being nice to people who only make things worse by having children just doesn’t fall into the category of logical thinking.
On the other hand, if you answered C then congratulations! You’re already well on the way to becoming more like Tracy. You take a firm stand against the sort of people who complain about smoking in public buildings while they bring their whiny-ass kids into the nice quiet restaurant where you’re trying to enjoy a nice quiet meal.
Thank you for your letter.
Sincerely,
Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
Mr. Joshua Tree of Joshua Tree, California wrote in to ask:
“Dear Editor,
My favorite member of The Paulie Family is Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall, how can I become more like him?
Sincerely,
Joshua”
Editor’s Reply:
Well Joshua, it’s not easy being Tracy. You have to have a very rigid set of moral values that you’ll never back away from. Let’s give you a little test. I’m going to give you a scenario and a choice of options in dealing with the situation. The rest of you readers can feel free to play along. Now then, here is the scenario…
You’re riding on public transportation and it’s really crowded. A young attractive woman gets on board carrying a screaming baby. The fat woman sitting next to you gets up, so that she’s no longer pinning you against the window like an air bag from the glove compartment of a 1988 Buick Regal, and now you’re once again able to breathe, however, the sound of the screaming baby is no longer muffled.
The fat woman offers the seat to the young attractive woman and her screaming baby. The young attractive woman sits down and wants to get her baby a bottle to quiet the baby down, but she has her arms full. She holds the baby out to you and asks you if you’ll mind holding it for a minute while she gets the baby’s bottle out. You reply back with:
A. Why I’d be delighted! My, what a little cutie she is, is she you’re first?
Or;
B. Certainly, they can be quite a handful at this age, can’t they?
Or;
C. GET THAT DAMN THING AWAY FROM ME!!!
Okay, pencils down! Now then Joshua, let’s see how you did… If you answered A or B, then I’m sorry, but you’re way too big a wuss to even begin to try being like Tracy. You see Joshua, there are already 6.555 billion people on this planet, and being nice to people who only make things worse by having children just doesn’t fall into the category of logical thinking.
On the other hand, if you answered C then congratulations! You’re already well on the way to becoming more like Tracy. You take a firm stand against the sort of people who complain about smoking in public buildings while they bring their whiny-ass kids into the nice quiet restaurant where you’re trying to enjoy a nice quiet meal.
Thank you for your letter.
Sincerely,
Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
posted by The Paulie Family at 11:24 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home