Ask Log

And now we come once again to that portion of the program we call Ask Log. Yes you heard right, Ask Log. Here you can find the answers to all of your turd-related questions. No question is too silly for Log. Log knows all and tells all, unlike a lot of religions where they give you lame answers like “You’re not supposed to know.” Our first question is from Andy J, who writes in and asks:

Dear Log,

Do you think certain religions fail because they have a poo id?


Log’s Reply:

Dear Andy J,

I AM LOG!!! How nice to hear from you again. Since the dawn of Man religions have come and gone. Many religions simply fail because they aren’t any fun. But your question deals with whether or not certain religions fail because they have a poo id. The answer quite simply is yes, but simple answers are not very entertaining, so I’ll elaborate.

As you well know the id is one of the three divisions of the psyche which is completely unconscious and is the source of psychic energy derived from instinctual needs and drives. This really screws with religions where you’re not allowed to have instinctual needs and drives like having to take a dump because they believe that God will provide for them. What they don’t seem to understand is that God has provided everybody with an anal orifice to deal with that very problem. Instead, they refuse to believe that God would have anything to do with poo-related matters, and they declare that Satan must have made them take a dump. This is also why some religions believe that Hell is located deep in the bowels of the Earth.

Then there are those religions that insist that only God can provide you with needs and drives and that instinct has nothing to do with it. But I can assure you that, with or without God, instinct will drive a turd right out through your sphincter with plenty of psychic, as well as, flatulent energy.

And so you see how certain religions are unable to accept the concept that if we were created in God’s image, then God must also have a bunghole and have to take regular daily dumps just as he designed every living thing with those very same outlets and scheduled agendas from the largest whales and elephants right down to smallest spore of yeast which eats sugar and craps out alcohol, as well as the plants and trees which eat up sunlight and carbon dioxide and crap out oxygen for us to breathe so that we can continue our bodily functions till the day we die.

Needless to say, and I really don’t need to say it, any religion that doesn’t accept these simple truths of nature are destined to fail.

I AM LOG!!! Thank you for your question.

PS. Since you’re British I have a question for you: Since Elton John was Knighted his name is now Sir Elton John, and since the spouse of a Knight is referred to as a Lady, and since Sir Elton John has married a man, would his male spouse still be referred to as a Lady?