The Blood & Bath Movie Review

Freaked (1993, USA)

Directed by Alex Winter & Tom Stern

Now this turned out to be a fun little movie. Everything about this movie is absurd and it all falls together perfectly to create a fast paced visual extravaganza. Okay, there are no real freaks in this movie, but the fake freaks are freaky nonetheless.

The main character, a sitcom actor named Ricky Coogin (played by Alex Winter) is enlisted as the official spokesman for the Everything Except Shoes Corporation and is sent to South America to downplay the media uproar over a substance called Zygrot-27. Ricky and his friends take a detour and wind up at an amusement park run by Elijah C. Skuggs (played by Randy Quaid) who takes great pride in his display of freaks.

However, Ricky and his friends quickly discover the hard way that Skuggs has actually created the freaks himself using – what else? – Zygrot-27, and they soon wind up as freaks themselves. But Ricky soon joins forces with the other freaks including the Human Worm, the Bearded Lady (and yes folks, that really is Mr. T playing the Bearded Lady), a Sock Puppet-Headed Man (featuring the voice of Bobcat Goldthwait), and Ortiz The Dog Boy (played by Keanu Reeves). The final battle is a sight to behold.

This movie failed miserably at the box office due to poor distribution, and that’s a shame because this movie really is a blast to watch.

Rating: One full thumb up the butt

Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions



Irreversible (2002, France)

Directed by Gaspar Noe

Irreversible is unquestionably one of the most disturbing movies I’ve ever had the pleasure to watch. So disturbing in fact that I had to watch it twice just to be sure, and even still I’m not sure if that’s enough. This movie has two unusual things going for it: 1. The entire story is told in reverse, that is, the movie “starts” with the ending credits, and then roughly 12 scenes are shown in reverse order; 2. The bizarre soundtrack and camera angles give you the sensation of having a nightmare.

If you speak French then you won’t have to read the subtitles, but the dialogue isn’t really all that complicated so it’s easy to keep up with the subtitles. The opening scene shows two elderly men sitting on a bed, one of them naked for no apparent reason. They talk briefly and then the scene takes us out the window to the street below where we view the aftermath of an especially vicious act of revenge. As each scene comes to an end we are then taken to the beginning of the previous scene which shows us the events that lead up to the scene we just watched. This makes it especially important to pay attention; however, in doing so you are forced to watch some rather graphic imagery.

As the movie travels further backwards in time we see the pursuit of a man accused of a brutal rape and beating. The victim is a young lady named Alex (played by the lovely Monica Bellucci). When Alex’s friends discover what’s happened to Alex they set out to find the perpetrator, known only as Le Tenia. They track him to a gay S/M club called The Rectum where the revenge is carried out.

We are then taken to the next previous scene where Alex is attacked, raped, and beaten. Make no mistake here folks, the rape scene is one of the longest in film history (roughly 9 minutes), and the beating afterwards is no less savage.

The only real down side to this movie is that the farther you go into it the more tame it becomes, because after the revenge and rape scenes the movie basically is nothing more than a bunch of scenes involving a party, drug use, and consensual sex which gradually leads us to where Alex leaves the party with her friends and gets separated from them before taking the advice of a hooker who tells her to “Take the underpass; it’s safer.”

This movie originally premiered at the Cannes Film Festival before a crowd of 2,400 people. It is said that 200 of those people walked out either during or after the rape and beating scene. Some people just don’t understand the concept of “It’s only a movie.”

Rating: One full thumb up the butt

Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions



Head (1968, USA)

Directed by Bob Rafelson

The Monkees finally rebelled against their “Prefab Four” image that America had seemingly forever branded them with, and demonstrated that not only were they capable writing and performing their own songs, but also that they were nothing like that silly Saturday morning show that we all watched back in grade school (at least those of us who were in grade school during the mid to late ‘60s).

This is a difficult movie to describe, partly because it has no plot and no storyline, but it’s far from being uninteresting. Basically, we see Mickey, Davy, Peter, and Mike either together or separately or any three looking for the missing one as they go from one surreal scene to the next.

How surreal are the scenes? Well we have a war scene in which NFL Hall of Famer, Ray Nitschke appears in full football regalia. We have another scene where screaming teeny bopper fans are waiting to see their beloved Monkees perform, but instead of playing “Hey Hey We’re The Monkees…” or one of those other bubble gum tunes that they were forced to play in their early days we are treated to Mike Nesmith belting out the rockin’ tune “Circle Sky” while graphic images of the Vietnam War appear at the bottom of the screen.

The scene with Mickey Dolenz in the desert with an uncooperative Coca-Cola machine is pretty funny, and Mike Nesmith’s surprise party results in a very disgruntled Mike telling everybody what he thinks about it before concluding “And I feel the same way about Christmas… Now, what do you think of them apples?” Meanwhile, Peter Tork seems to be off in a world of his own ala Larry Fine, and Davy Jones becomes fed up with being in a box.

There are also a number of interesting cameos in this movie including: Annette Funicello, Vito Scotti, Sonny Liston, Frank Zappa, Teri Garr, Jack Nicholson (who also co-wrote and co-produced the movie), Dennis Hopper, and Victor Mature.

This movie went nowhere in the theaters due to bad distribution, but it has since become a Rock & Roll Cult Classic.

Rating: One full thumb up the butt

Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions



The Short Films Of David Lynch (2002, USA)

Directed by David Lynch

From the man who brought us such strange movies as Eraserhead, The Elephant Man, and Blue Velvet, David Lynch presents six of his short films: Six Men Getting Sick, The Alphabet, The Grandmother, The Amputee, The Cowboy And The Frenchman, and Lumiere. Here is a breakdown of the six films…

Six Men Getting Sick (1967) – No dialogue. We are treated to what appears to be six animated paintings that go through what Lynch describes as “57 seconds of growth and fire, and three seconds of vomit.” The sequence repeats itself six times while a very annoying soundtrack of a siren blares through the entire film.

The Alphabet (1967) – Very little dialogue. A mostly animated feature that is mercifully short.

The Grandmother (1970) – At 34 minutes this is the longest of the six films. No coherent dialogue. This is a very strange film which tells the story of a young boy, whose abusive parents are forever punishing him for his chronic bedwetting.

To escape from this madness the boy dumps dirt on his bed and plants what appears to be a potato or some sort of seed. A gigantic plant soon emerges and gives birth to an old lady, or grandmother. The grandmother gives the boy comfort from the oppressing reality of his parents.

However, the grandmother soon falls ill, and the boy is faced with the threat of being alone again in a cruel world.

The Amputee (1973) – Narrative dialogue. Another short feature that seems to be headed in a downright boring direction until the nurse (played by David Lynch) comes in to change the bandages.

The Cowboy And The Frenchman (1987) – At 26 minutes this film is truly the best out of the six. Maybe it’s because it actually has more than two actors in it, and maybe because this film is obviously done as a comedy so that the less Artsy-Fartsy people like me can actually understand it.

This film alone makes it worth buying the whole DVD. You’ll see a couple of fairly well-known actors in this one, and the film is actually in color. I love it when the Indian says “I followed him for 10 days, but he kept throwing snails at me; it scared the hell out of me.”

The Lumiere (1995) – This film is one minute long, and it is a series of rapid fire images designed to make you go “What the hell?” and have to watch it again.

To sum up the whole DVD, 5 of the 6 films are very much what you would expect from David Lynch, while The Cowboy And The Frenchman is nothing like anything you would expect from him, and as I’ve said already this one film is worth buying the entire DVD.

Rating: One full thumb up the butt

Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions



Dead Ringers (1988, Canada)

Directed by David Cronenberg

Okay, unlike some of the real gore-fests we’ve reviewed in the past, Dead Ringers is more of a psychological thriller, in other words you actually have to pay attention to it in order to enjoy it. Jeremy Irons plays Elliot and Beverly Mantle, twin brothers who grow up to become surgeons and operate an exclusive gynecological clinic where they’ve established themselves as the heads of their profession with their innovative methods.

However, neither Elliot nor Beverly are completely right in the head, although Elliot comes across as the more sophisticated of the two. We’ve all heard those stories about twins, how one feels what the other feels, and thinks what the other one thinks. Elliot and Beverly are no different, and while they enjoy such recreational activities as sharing sexual favors with Claire, a patient who happens to be a famous actress with an unusual diagnosis, Beverly makes the mistake of falling in love with Claire (played by Genevieve Bujold).

Beverly’s obsessions soon lead him to design a very disturbing set of surgical instruments for the purpose of operating on mutated women, and Elliot stands firmly behind his brother. However, Beverly is quickly becoming more and more addicted to the very pharmaceutical drugs that he’s been recklessly writing prescriptions to for Claire.

Elliot tries to be strong, but Beverly spirals out of control with drug abuse and soon Elliot is dragged into the same addictions. Eventually both Elliot and Beverly realize that they can’t go on relying on each other the rest of their lives, and eventually a shocking solution is agreed upon.

If your hoping to see blood and guts galore you will be greatly disappointed, but if you’d like to see a dark, disturbing, psychological thriller then give this movie a try.

Rating: One full thumb up the butt

Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions



Tales From The Crapper (2004, USA)

Directed by Lloyd Kaufman, Gabriel Friedman, David Paiko, and Brian Spitz

One of the finest pieces of work from those crazy folks at Troma, Tales From The Crapper has it all. Hosted by The Crap Keeper (played by Lloyd Kaufman) and starring Julie Strain in not one, but two films.

In the first film (which I can’t seem to remember the name of) Julie plays a rough tough streetwise cop, and she really hates bad guys. Julie is in hot pursuit of an alien that’s been going around and killing the customers of a strip club. Eventually, Julie tracks down the alien and the big battle ensues.

The second film, titled Tuition Of The Terror Twat, Julie plays a vampire lesbian stripper who gets hired by some college kid to bring herself and a bunch of other vampire lesbian strippers to a party. Mayhem ensues. During this movie there is a scene where a guy tells the longest most disgustingly dirty joke in the world; the punchline isn’t all that funny but the actual telling of the joke is.

Interspersed within both movies is a reoccurring background movie called Cannibal Lesbian Hoedown, and during the less interesting moments you’re treated to Boner-Vision. If you hate everything Troma has ever done then stay far away from this DVD; however, if you’re familiar with Troma and you actually “get the humor” then you’ll love this one.

Rating: One full thumb up the butt

Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions



2001 Maniacs (2004, USA)

Directed by Tim Sullivan

This movie is actually a remake of the 1964 Herschell Gordon Lewis movie, 2000 Maniacs; and much like the remake of Night Of The Living Dead, this remake is better than the original. Oh sure, you still get the over the top corny stereotype acting, but this remake has much better gore scenes than the original.

The plot? The plot is the same as the original: A bunch of northern tourists get detoured to the town of Pleasant Valley where they are systematically slaughtered in pretty spectacular ways. The main difference between this remake and the original is that the body count is higher and the gore is much better. There’s also a lot more sex and nudity. Oh yeah, the humor is pretty funny too.

Robert Englund stars as Mayor Buford and he’s probably the only actor in this movie that you’ll recognize, but he gives a fine performance. If you enjoyed the original 2000 Maniacs then you’re really going to like 2001 Maniacs.

Rating: One full thumb up the butt

Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions



From Dusk Till Dawn (1996, USA)

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Now this is one rock ‘em sock ‘em shoot ‘em up, blood and gore, vampire extravaganza. George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino star as two brothers who are on a robbery and murder spree. The only thing they need to make this crime spree complete is to escape into Mexico, where they’ve set up a rendezvous to launder their dirty money and live like kings.

In order to get into Mexico they kidnap a widowed preacher (played by Harvey Keitel) and his two children, the daughter played by the lovely Juliette Lewis (I don’t know about the rest of you, but Juliette Lewis makes me proud to be a dirty old man). After crossing into Mexico they go to the rendezvous spot, a wild little out of the way place called The Titty Twister.

It’s not long after arriving at The Titty Twister that they discover that the place is teeming with vampires, and the battle is on. The good guys are joined by Fred Williamson and Tom Savini, and together they all put quite a dent in the vampire population, but it soon becomes clear that they are way outnumbered and all the guns in the world aren’t going to save them.

This movie has everything that a true cult film connoisseur could possible want: Guns, shooting, hostages, kidnapping, perverts, over the top acting, blood and gore galore, plus vampires, condoms filled with holy water, Juliette Lewis, and lots of comedy situations including Cheech Marin playing three different roles (the cat calling scene outside The Titty Twister is a legendary performance).

Normally I’m not a big fan of vampire movies, but this one is a must see.

Rating: One full thumb up the butt

Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions



Night Of The Demons (1988, USA)

Directed by Kevin S. Tenney

I actually ordered this DVD by mistake thinking it was Night Of The Creeps. Boy was I wrong. This movie sucks, and not in a good way. Night Of The Demons is nothing more than just another movie about a bunch of teenagers on Halloween night who decide to have a party in the old abandoned funeral parlor, which is rumored to be haunted. The rest is so predictable with the sexual wisecracks, the big drunk mullet-headed jock, the Goth chick, etc.

Although the special effects are not too bad in this movie, it’s all the same old routine script and plot that was run into the ground during the hey day of ‘80s teen slasher films, the only difference being that in this movie instead of a masked maniac going around killing people the people just turn into demons. The whole thing is like they wanted to cross Friday The 13th with Night Of The Living Dead, and it falls miserably short of its goal.

This movie is perfect if you’re going to show it to a bunch of teenyboppers at a slumber party, but for the true cult movie collector this is one movie you do NOT want to add to your library.

Rating: No thumb anywhere near the butt

Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions