Ask Log
Yes folks, it’s time once again for that portion of the program that we like to call Ask Log. That’s right folks, now all of your log-related questions can be addressed right here. No question is too difficult or too silly for Log. Log knows all; Log tells all.
Before Log takes the first question, Log would like to address the concerned citizens of Earth who have been writing in to express their outrage at the theft of Jerry Garcia’s toilet. Take it away Log…
“People of the full latrines… I AM LOG!!! And I have returned. Ever since the diabolical theft of the late Jerry Garcia’s toilet my office here in my porcelain Palace Acrapolis has been inundated by a deluge of cards and letters from outraged Deadheads demanding that some sort of action be taken. You can all rest assured that Log (I AM LOG!!!) is not sitting down on the job.
At first I considered suggesting the offering of some sort of reward, but it seems that rewards of $250-$300 are already being offered. This made me wonder… What would be a proper monetary reward for such an esteemed piece of bathroom furniture? After checking with some experts from the Antiques Log Show I discovered that an average brand new toilet can sell for anywhere between $160 to $850 dollars. In contrast, a brand new urinal sells for an average of between $40 to $900 dollars, but we’re not dealing with urinals here.
However, the cost of a toilet is completely meaningless unless it’s been used by a well-known celebrity, and in this case the toilet of Jerry Garcia recently sold at auction for $2, 550.00. This would lead me to believe that a reward of only $300 will cause the guilty culprit to hold out for a bigger reward. This in turn makes me wonder whether or not the faithful Deadheads of the world are willing to see their favorite guitar player’s toilet held for ransom, and I figure the answer is a resounding “NO!”
Therefore, this leaves only one course of action, and that’s to determine the identity of the evil crapper napper, and apprehend him or her before the toilet can sustain any damage that might reduce its fair market value. And so, I’ve ordered my Commode Investigation Agency (CIA) to take over the case and launch a worldwide toilet hunt, and I’ve given them explicit orders not to leave any toilet seat unlifted until the toilet in question is returned to its rightful owner.
I AM LOG!!! I stink, therefore I am."
Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
Before Log takes the first question, Log would like to address the concerned citizens of Earth who have been writing in to express their outrage at the theft of Jerry Garcia’s toilet. Take it away Log…
“People of the full latrines… I AM LOG!!! And I have returned. Ever since the diabolical theft of the late Jerry Garcia’s toilet my office here in my porcelain Palace Acrapolis has been inundated by a deluge of cards and letters from outraged Deadheads demanding that some sort of action be taken. You can all rest assured that Log (I AM LOG!!!) is not sitting down on the job.
At first I considered suggesting the offering of some sort of reward, but it seems that rewards of $250-$300 are already being offered. This made me wonder… What would be a proper monetary reward for such an esteemed piece of bathroom furniture? After checking with some experts from the Antiques Log Show I discovered that an average brand new toilet can sell for anywhere between $160 to $850 dollars. In contrast, a brand new urinal sells for an average of between $40 to $900 dollars, but we’re not dealing with urinals here.
However, the cost of a toilet is completely meaningless unless it’s been used by a well-known celebrity, and in this case the toilet of Jerry Garcia recently sold at auction for $2, 550.00. This would lead me to believe that a reward of only $300 will cause the guilty culprit to hold out for a bigger reward. This in turn makes me wonder whether or not the faithful Deadheads of the world are willing to see their favorite guitar player’s toilet held for ransom, and I figure the answer is a resounding “NO!”
Therefore, this leaves only one course of action, and that’s to determine the identity of the evil crapper napper, and apprehend him or her before the toilet can sustain any damage that might reduce its fair market value. And so, I’ve ordered my Commode Investigation Agency (CIA) to take over the case and launch a worldwide toilet hunt, and I’ve given them explicit orders not to leave any toilet seat unlifted until the toilet in question is returned to its rightful owner.
I AM LOG!!! I stink, therefore I am."
Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
posted by The Paulie Family at 1:25 PM
2 Comments:
I can only say i'm in full agreement with the last comment.
Regards,
hemorrhoid treatment using nitoglyceran
Dear Sir or Madam,
I AM LOG!!! Congratulations on becoming the first person to finally post spam that’s worthy of this blog. Your ability to zero in on a target audience is most impressive. In fact, I’m so impressed that I’m going to add your name to my list of potential recipients of a scholarship to the University of Log (U of L). However, your failure to actually post your name, even a fake one, makes it impossible to enter you into the system. Therefore, I’m removing your name, which was never actually there to begin with, from my list of potential recipients of a scholarship to the University of Log (U of L).
On a positive note, it’s good to see that the world has finally evolved to the point of refining nitroglycerin as a treatment for hemorrhoids. I can remember the old days when plain old gun powder was still the preferred method of treatment.
Next time, please try to have an actual question. It makes the program run a whole lot smoother.
I AM LOG!!! May the flush be with you.
Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
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