The Blood & Bath Movie Review
The Blood & Bath Movie Review Starring Paul Blood and Tracy Bath Copyright 2005
Yes folks, at long last here it is… The Blood & Bath Movie Review Starring Paul Blood and Tracy Bath. In order to make this as enjoyable as possible for everyone here are a few ground rules:
1. Don’t bother writing in and telling us what you think of the movies we review. We don’t give a flying fart what you think about them.
2. Don’t bother writing in and suggesting movies for us to review. We’ll review whatever damn movies we feel live up to the code of “Absolutely Most Tasteless, Disgusting and Disturbing”. After all, anybody who knows us by now should be fully aware that we can make that judgment call without any feedback from amateurs.
3. Just for the record, “Absolutely Most Tasteless, Disgusting and Disturbing” can include any movie that has attained Cult status. Movies that have anything to do with zombies, cannibalism, wholesale slaughter of human beings with any of a wide array of weapons and tools (mechanical or not), bathroom humor (both the childish and the more full-blown version that we’re so widely known and adored for), or just basically any movie that you would never consider letting your mother watch are the sort of movies that fall into this category.
4. “Absolutely Most Tasteless, Disgusting and Disturbing” should not be confused with pornography or snuff films, although the movies that we will be reviewing tend to have a hell of a lot of nudity, graphic sexual situations, and wholesale slaughter of human beings with any of a wide array of weapons and tools (mechanical or not).
Paul and I will be reviewing our first round of films this weekend, and we’ll begin providing our feedback on them throughout the week. So don’t any of you folks out there settle for movie reviews by people that don’t know what they’re talking about.
We’ll gladly be providing all the information you need in order to make the decision of “Can I let my kids watch this movie?” and “Should I make sure my wife is out of town before I rent this movie?” And just for the record… the odds are none of the movies we’ll be reviewing are recommended for viewing by anyone under the age of 18, or spouses and significant others that you may be hoping will never leave you.
On the other hand, if you really are hoping that your spouse or significant other will leave you and take the damn kids with them, then these are the movies you’ll want to check out.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Dead or Alive (some things won’t stay down…..even after they die)
The goriest film of all time----New York Daily News
Starring Timothy Balme, Timothy Who ??
Well, Tracy I have to give this one thumb up (yer butt) This is a saga of zombies that just don't know when to quit. After exhausting every method of killing zombies known to mankind, the insides of such said zombies still refuse to give up the ship.
The special effects of this internal organ wretching excuse for a movie is nothing short of spectacular. I won't elaborate on the final scene but I will say a gasoline powered lawn mower is involved. It is also impressive to know that 17 truck loads of animal guts were used in the actual filming.
Nothing like real guts to make it real, really. So I would have to say this is truly a must see. If you're a dark minded person that's run out of drugs then this movie is for you. Even if you still have drugs and beer you'd probably like this movie even more.
Paul Blood
Blood & Bath Productions
Portland, OR
copyright 2005 Blood and Bath Productions, Our motto, If you step in shit you'll smell like it.
***
Dead Alive (1992, New Zealand)
Directed by Peter Jackson
Paul, how many times must I tell you… it’s Dead Alive, not Dead or Alive!
Director Peter Jackson earned Cult Status early in his career by directing movies such as Bad Taste, Meet The Feebles, and this wonderfully tasteless masterpiece – Dead Alive. Any respectable fan of Cult Films has seen this movie, and would gladly see it again. If you love those movies that are so full of blood and gore that you can’t help laughing, then this is the movie for you.
This movie begins with the capture of a Sumatran Rat Monkey, and if you get bitten or scratched by this monkey you’re in big trouble. Eventually, the monkey is taken to a zoo in New Zealand where it winds up biting the over-bearing mother (played by Elizabeth Moody) of the main character, Lionel (played by Timothy Balme). Things get interesting real soon after that, and the rest of the movie is a non-stop, fast paced, hilarious blood and gore fest. If there’s a moral to this movie, then it must be… This is why grown men shouldn’t live with their mothers.
This movie is packed full of memorable scenes such as the creepy veterinarian, the Kung Fu Catholic priest, the birth of a baby zombie, the wonderful lawn mower scene, and the hilarious rebirth scene. One of my personal favorite lines in the whole movie is when Paquita (played by the lovely Diana Penalver) cries
“Your mother ate my dog!” to which Lionel replies
“Not all of it… see?”
If you love over-the-top acting and special effects then this is a must-have movie in any Cult fans collection. This movie is #2 on Tracy’s Favorite All-time Absolutely Most Tasteless, Disgusting and Disturbing Movies list.
Tracy’s Rating = One full thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Reefer Madness (1938, USA)
Directed by Louis J. Gasnier
One of the all-time best known Cult Classics, this movie was originally a serious attempt at warning the public about the “dangers of reefer addiction.” It also demonstrates what happens when people who don’t know what they’re talking about are allowed to talk anyway.
During the early ‘70s this movie attained Cult Status for its dated lingo, exaggerated over-the-top acting, and just plain misinformation. The fact that all of the so-called “teenagers” are played by people who are obviously all over the age of 30 also adds to the entertainment value. For the most part, this movie is in no way brilliant. It’s only redeeming quality is its propaganda point of view, and the fact that there are still people on this planet who take it seriously. Otherwise, the exaggeration of the acting is the only thing that makes this movie remotely funny. If you understand this ahead of time you’ll probably enjoy this movie.
If you enjoy this movie you’ll probably want to check out The Cocaine Fiends (1936) and, Maniac/Narcotic (1934). Rating = ½ a thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Reefer Madness (1938, USA)
"colorized version"
Well, I have to agree with all of Tracy's commentary. This is a cheap propaganda movie from a long time ago. The colorized version is interesting because every time the so-called actors take a hit off a joint the smoke comes out in beautiful shades of pastel colors, such as orange for one person's smoke and purple for another one's.
The most famous star in this movie is the judge. This actor also played the judge in the "Three Stooges" classic short, "Disorder In The Court". Too bad he's not mentioned in the credits of either film. I'm giving the black and white version one half thumb up the butt and the colorized version a full thumb up the butt. (be sure to clean your thumb nails after watching any of these films).
Paul Blood
Blood & Bath Productions Portland, OR
***
Monsturd (2003, USA)
Well just when you thought you’d seen it all, especially after seeing the Turd People in Flesh Gordon Meets The Cosmic Cheerleaders, along come this little gem of a movie. Yes folks, the title says it all, and if you’re expecting an epic motion picture with an unlimited budget and well known actors then you’re in for a real disappointment. On the other hand, if you’re expecting to see one of the most cheapest and cheesiest movies ever made all chock full of bathroom humor then you’re in for a real treat.
Escaped serial killer, Jack Schmitt, is hiding in the sewage treatment plant when something really bad happens in a nearby laboratory. The laboratory simply dumps the problem into the sewage system, which then takes a dump in Jack’s hiding place. Nothing could possibly survive such a horrible fate! Well to make a long story short, Jack winds up evolving into a psychotic killer/poo man. This may sound like a pretty absurd concept for a movie to some people, but if you’re a really sick, twisted individual like me then you’ll really love the humor in this movie.
My favorite line from the movie…
Girl: Daddy, there’s a big number two in the bathroom!
Dad: Daddy’s proud of you sweetheart.
Rating = One full thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Monsturd
made recently (just ask Log).
I have to tell you all that I didn't take a dump for a week after seeing that movie. Well, I'm back to pooing now but I always leave the lights on while I'm doing it. This creature, half man half human dropping, attacks by coming out of the toilet to devour his (it's) victims. This movie is a good argument for leaving the toilet seat down. And here I thought all my ex-girlfriends were just being nagging bitches when they kept telling me to close the lid on the toilet after I was done using it. Now I realize they were only looking out for my safety (pun intended)
All in all I thought this movie was a piece of crap (no pun intended). I had a shitty time watching it. (pun intended). This movie was a real stinker. (insert pun intended joke here). I was disappointed that a turd could be the star of a movie and not one mention of urine through out the film. I'm giving this one a full thumb up the butt. It's just that bad. It's so shitty it's, it's, it's well, SHITTY. Which was the whole idea anyway. Be sure to clean your finger nails after removing thumb.
Paul Blood
Blood & Bath Productions Portland, OR
***
Link Wray at The Tractor in Seattle
Okay, this review has nothing to do with movies, but Link Wray deserves a review here. I know there are a lot of Heathens out there that have never heard of Link Wray, and they’re probably thinking “If he’s such a great legend, why isn’t he in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?” Well folks, let me tell you something… Link Wray doesn’t need to be in any stinking Rock & Roll Hall of Fame – Link Wray IS THE ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME!!!
Back in 1958 Link recorded an instrumental called Rumble. To this day it’s the only instrumental in the history of Rock & Roll to be banned. That’s right folks, an instrumental – banned. Now days, at the ripe old age of 76, Link still occasionally tours the states. And what about the show? Well folks, I’ll say this much… It was the shortest show I’ve ever seen, but it was also one of the best shows I’ve ever seen.
I’ve never before seen a man so old and frail do so much in so little time, and while his whole show barely lasted 30 minutes I loved every second of it. And the ringing in my ears really helped to blot out Paul’s incessant babbling all the way back from Seattle.
Rating: One full thumb up the butt + an ass kick to boot.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
"Back in 1958 Link recorded an instrumental called Rumble"
wrong again Tonto. Rumble was recorded in 1954 and did not chart until late 1957. By mid 1958 it had sold one million copies. And another thing, I was too busy driving home to bother talking to you. and Link played 39 minutes total and that does not count the 4 songs we had to sit through by his absoultly awful back up band. Why was Link hanging out with a Dime Store Elvis????
Link played 6 songs, seven if you count the fact that he played "Jack the Ripper" twice. But you are correct Tonto. The time Link spent playing his guitar was magic. I wonder why he threw his guitar on the floor twice?
Paul Blood aka Imposter
Paul Paulie Family Productions Vancouver, WA
***
Okay Fatso, let's get the story straight...
1956 In Fredricksburg, Virginia a fight broke out in the audience and while onstage, like a bolt of lightening, Link got the idea for the instrumental Rumble. 1958 On St. Patrick’s day Link recorded Rumble on a one track Grundig with brother Doug on drums and Shorty on stand up bass.
Link Wray is known for being the first musician to experiment with the sounds that pioneered rock and roll and punk styles. Link virtually invented fuzz tone by deliberately punching holes in his amplifier speakers. He was also a true pioneer of the use of distortion on instrumental rock recordings.
In the spring of ’58, Rumble was released and quickly rocketed to the top 20. Voted the #1 Rock Instrumental of all time by the Book Of Rock Lists (Dell/Rolling Stone Press) So it's YOU WHO ARE WRONG!!! Take that... Fatso!
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
FOOTNOTE:
It is with great sadness that we inform you that Link Wray passed away from heart failure at his home in Denmark on November 5, 2005. He was buried after a private service at Christians Church in Copenhagen Denmark on November 18, 2005.
Link was a Korean War veteran and very proud of his service to the United States of America.
Link Wray played music for over sixty years, always staying true to himself. Not settling for the "oldies circuit", Link continued to release new music throughout his career. He recently completed a lengthy tour of the states just four short months before his death.
Link Wray laid the foundation of rock and roll guitar, influencing the likes of Pete Townshend, Bob Dylan and Neil Young, as well as hundreds of thousands of musicians and millions of fans all over the world.
Punk rock, grunge, garage, rock guitar, surf, heavy metal and more...it all started with Link Wray. He shared the stage with Patsy Cline and Bruce Springsteen...and just about everyone in between. He is truly an unsung hero of rock and roll.
Link's "Jesus God" has called him home and Heaven is rocking a whole lot harder tonight.
Rest in Peace Link.
Greg Laxton www.WraysShack3Tracks.com
***
Amazon Women in the Avocado Jungle.
Here is a movie to avoid at all costs. It is not funny, though it tries to be. The plot if you can locate one is stupid, rid the jungle of sex starved women who just love to kill men after they’ve fucked them. Considering how the real world is, this is not a far fetched description of reality.
Except the Amazon Jungle is located outside of San Bernardino in an area of California that is not known for it’s rain forest environment. Just desert and rattlesnakes. But forget that. After 25 or so painful minutes of watching this film try to be funny things take a drastic turn for the worse when co-star Bill (the not funny diarrhea guy) Maher arrives on the scene and makes the film even worse than it was before.
Trying way too hard to be funny he only comes off as an arrogant wanna be comedy star that is not only not funny, but makes you want to puke thinking that he makes more money than all of us put together…This is a thumb down into a rat’s asshole which is my lowest rating that I can think of without killing myself for wasting my time trying to watch this complete loser. My advise. Don’t rent it. Unless of course you just love to throw good money out the window.
Paul Blood
***
Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death (1989, USA)
Directed by J.D. Athens and J.F. Lawton
Goddammit Paul, get the title right! It’s Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death!
Now then, with a title like that this movie had so much potential. Yes, I knew it would be bad; practically to the point of downright stupid. Unfortunately, I was more right than wrong. The premise is good. The world’s largest supply of avocados is located in the avocado belt, which covers most of Southern California.
However, deep in the heart of the avocado belt is the Avocado Jungle of Death, which is inhabited by the Piranha Women, who after mating with their men, kill them and eat them. These women are a threat to the world’s avocado supply. Playboy centerfold, Shannon Tweed, is sent to work out a deal with the Piranha Women. Accompanying her is Karen Mistal (from Return of The Killer Tomatoes).
Everything is working okay in this movie so far… and then Bill Maher shows up. Suddenly the humor is reduced to nothing more than sexist wisecracks and cheap, clumsy sight gags. Adrienne Barbeau plays the leader of the Piranha Women, but even that doesn’t save this movie. Overall, there is very little nudity, no cannibalism, and no blood and gore in this movie, but even if there had been it wouldn’t have helped much.
The directors worked way too hard to make this a potential cult classic, but it just doesn’t have the pizzazz to make it so.
Rating = No thumb anywhere near the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Movie review---- Grand Pa Ganja's Marijuana Guide for Seniors (the movie !)
Now here is an informative and straight forward instruction guide for those of us who are getting on in their years. Grand Pa Ganja shows the senior citizen who to roll, smoke and score for your local Hell's Angles. Another aspect is the scientific proof presented in a way that leaves no shadow of a doubt that marijuana is a life giving medicine that also makes you feel groovy.
We are all going to get old someday and know how to keep up your pot connections is vital to continued comfort that aging can sometimes take away. You're as old as you feel. And if you're stoned on pot you feel stoned, not old. This is an extra that runs about 35 minutes or so and you can find it as a bonus when and if you order Reefer Madness on DVD which also contains a colorized version as well as the original black and white version.
I give Grand Pa Ganja's Marijuana Guide for Senior Citizens my highest (no pun intended) rating. One clean thumb up the butt. A must see by all means.
Paul Blood.
***
Grandpa Ganja's Marijuana Handbook (Date unknown)
Director unknown
You say you’re retired and now you have way too much time on your hands? Well then, maybe what your tired aging body needs is that miracle medicine – marijuana! But wait, you don’t know what marijuana is? You don’t know where to get it? You don’t know how to use it? Well just sit back and let Grandpa Ganja tell you all about it.
This short film is a real hoot. What Reefer Madness is in an anti-marijuana exploitative way, Grandpa Ganja's Marijuana Handbook is the pro-marijuana exploitation film. Grandpa Ganja answers all your questions like where to buy marijuana (just stop any Hell’s Angel on the street; he’ll be able to help you out), and how to grow marijuana (just throw the seeds over your neighbor’s fence. That way he’ll get busted instead of you), and so on.
This film is a wonderful extra addition included in the restored DVD version of Reefer Madness.
Rating = One full thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Enter The Lone Ranger (1949, USA)
Director unknown
The original television pilot starring Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels. A wildly popular TV show in its day, this is the first episode that shows just why the hell a guy would wear a mask, never kill anybody, and ride around with an Indian while enforcing the law of the wild west.
Although this is by no means a great movie, it’s a great example of just how cheaply movies were done back then. Yes, this movie has it all: Bad acting, hats that never fall off, guns that never run out of bullets, and people riding horses past that same rock formation over and over again. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed this movie. It’s a rare look at the beginning of one of America’s greatest television good guy heroes.
Rating = One full thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Enter The Lone Ranger, (the original television pilot)
Starring Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels as Tonto.
Upon a rummage through the Dollar Store I happened along a DVD that said it had 2 Dick Tracy detective movies, probably from the late forties to early 50's. BUT, to my surprise inside the case there were no Dick Tracy movies. Instead there was a DVD of the original LONE RANGER television pilot.
This film showed how cheesy the standard of acting was way back in the 50's. The acting and directing is completely cheap and meant to churn out profits for the TV networks in the form of advertising. All of a sudden kids were Kooko for Kooko Craps and frosted sugar was the Ritalin of it's day. So the world has not change that much. And what changes have occurred have been giant leaps back to the same old mistakes.
Too bad the Lone Ranger was just a fictional character. We could really use a Lone Ranger type character to take back this country from the neo-con-men that somehow slip through he cracks and wind up in the White House back rooms giving blow jobs to that Gannon faggot and figuring out ways to make Cheney's pace maker indestructible....Where's a bunch of bullets and high powered hand guns when you really need them.? That's what it's going to take to get our country back from these assholes. (insert political ranting joke here)
I loved this movie because it was so full of crap that I felt like a smelly turd after I watched it. Oh yes, I'm smelly but after sitting through this piece of crap really did feel more crappy than usual. I am giving this movie a thumb up the butt because of the rambling story as well as Jay Silver heels constantly getting the race card played on him. In one scene he goes into town to round up a posse to go out and track down the bad guys. But the neo-nazi corrupt sheriff tells the Indian to scram solely because he was from minority group.
Oh well, Good old Jay Silverheels took their money and invested in Malibu property when it was cheap and he was soon to become a multi-millionaire. .. Clayton Moore appeared as the “Masked Man“ and. made trips to open shopping centers and public events in his Lone Ranger get-up Apparently there was an argument over who had the rights to the Lone Ranger brand name.
Clayton won the lawsuit and continued appearing in costume. Although he had spent a good part of his professional life being typecast as the Lone Ranger he still enjoyed the attention and the honest relationship he had with is fans. Hi Ho Silver, AWAY !
Paul Blood Blood Bath Productions
***
Spider Baby (1964, USA)
Directed by Jack Hill
This movie is also known by such titles as Cannibal Orgy, The Maddest Story Ever Told, and The Liver Eaters. Filmed in only 12 days during 1964, this movie turned out to be Lon Chaney, Jr’s last really good movie. The movie was held up in legal limbo until 1968 when it was finally released in drive-in movie theaters and quickly faded away into obscurity. But after it appeared on home video in the early '80s and was the subject of an enthusiastic essay in the book “RE/Search: Incredibly Strange Films”, the film began to develop a potent cult following and is now regarded as a minor classic of '60s horror.
Lon Chaney, Jr. stars as Bruno, the caretaker for the last few remaining members of a branch of the Merrye family, who suffer from the Merrye Syndrome, a neurological ailment that begins to manifest itself at the age of ten, causing the brain to slowly decay and sending its victims into an alternately violent and infantile state.
Bruno takes good care of the children (played by Sid Haig, Beverly Washburn, and Jill Banner), and always reminds them that it’s “not nice to hate.” And then one day Aunt Emily and Uncle Peter (from the non-afflicted branch of the family) drop by with a lawyer and his secretary in tow, and they have only one thing on their minds – Fire Bruno, have the children committed, and steal the house and any remaining money that might be left in the estate.
But the children are determined to keep the house, and Bruno is determined to protect the children at all cost. Despite the lack of blood and gore, or any serious special effects, this is a really bizarre, creepy, and delightfully hilarious movie. The dinner scene alone is worth the price of the DVD (pay close attention to the tossed salad).
Rating = One full thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Okay, so this is not a movie review. So what. Dick Dale live in concert---a brief review
At the age of 68 Dick Dale is playing some of the finest music of his career. His signature guitar howl and deep bass notes are enough to rattle the fillings in your teeth. He stands 6 foot 3 and when he starts really getting into it, it seems as if you have transcended into a dimension of sound and thunder as majestic as the Taj Mahal.
Song after song it just got better and better. He did all if not most of his old material as well as a couple of new songs but wait ! To my surprise Dick played an outstanding version of Link Wray's "Rumble"... Dick also played a good long show being just a few minutes shy of 2 hours. If Dick Dale ever plays anywhere close to where you are drop everything and get your ass over to see him play. You won't be sorry.
Paul Blood Blood Bath Productions
***
Pink Flamingos (1972, USA)
Directed by John Waters
This was John Waters’ third feature film, and the first one he made in color. It was shot on a budget of only $12,000 and grossed over $10 million. This is also the movie that earned him his reputation, and make no mistake; he really raised the bar on this one folks. Oh sure, you may have heard the stories, and you may have seen brief film clips, but nothing can really prepare you for watching this movie for the first time.
Even though this movie was released way back in 1972, it still holds its own as far as being what is probably the most tasteless, perverted, bizarre, and yet still surprisingly funny movie ever made. Those of you who know me know that I’m not an easily offended person, but after watching this movie I was speechless, and it’s now been two weeks since I watched it and only now am I able to even attempt to describe this movie.
Don’t get me wrong… I actually enjoyed watching this movie, although there were scenes that nearly drove me to run screaming from the room. I will admit though, the scene where they eat the police was pretty damn funny. Okay, so what’s the big deal? What’s it all about? Well to start with it stars Divine (AKA Harris Glenn Milstead, who died in 1988 at the age of 42), who plays the part of Babs Johnson. Babs claims to be “The filthiest person alive”, and she doesn’t take her title lightly.
Babs lives in a trailer outside of Baltimore with her son, Crackers; her traveling companion, Cotton; and her mother – a very strange, overweight woman who spends all day and night sitting in a playpen and has an unusual fixation about eggs. During the course of all the usual strange things they do everyday, along come Connie and Raymond Marble, a well to do couple with equally odd habits who are determined to take away Babs’ title as “The filthiest person alive”.
Babs of course does not back down from anyone who threatens her title. What follows are endless scenes of some of the most bizarre behavior ever recorded on film. Those of you who are easily shocked should stay far, far away from this movie. But if you’re really in the mood to challenge yourself then this movie has it all. You name it, it’s in this movie… homoerotica, bestiality, murder, rape, cannibalism, sexual perversions of every kind, the most unlikely person you would ever want to invite to a party to show off their “Stupid Human Trick”, and if you can make it all the way to the end of the movie you’ll be treated to the infamous coprophagia scene. If you don’t know what coprophagia is, you’ll find out at the end of the movie.
It would be so easy for me to just say “this is the worst movie I’ve ever seen”, but considering what a landmark cult classic this movie has become, and the fact that John Waters has spent the rest of his life trying to top it, and I’m not sure that he ever will, I have to give this movie the credit it truly deserves.
Rating = One full thumb up the butt – which oddly enough is one of the very few things you will not see in this movie.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Pink Flamingos (1972, USA)
Directed by John Waters
What can I say??? After the film finished my DVD player went on the blink. It just couldn't take it. And neither could I. If you can avoid this faggott monster of a film do so at all costs. This movie was just plain improper in every way know to man and animal alike. One of the vomit inducing scenes shows a male contortionist who can open his asshole and shoot out the inside of his rectum (nearly killed him).
The star of the movie, Devine, rekindled my childhood fear of circus clowns. And then for good measure at the end of this loser Devine eats fresh dog shit with his fingers. No knife and fork here. Not even a spoon. This movie is a cult classic. I never knew there were that many people out there with such bad taste that would pay to see this film. But they're out there as the box office doesn’t lie.
After this film I have been turned off about anything that has to do with the digestive system.. So I'll leave my thumb out of my but and warn all of you with any class or manners not to go see this film. However if you’re a sick, boogar flicking, belching bald guy than this movie is just what the doctor ordered.
Paul Blood Blood Bath Productions
666 Sewer Plant Lane Portland, OR
***
Gee Paul, I thought you enjoyed Divine’s performance in Lust In The Dust.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
Yes folks, at long last here it is… The Blood & Bath Movie Review Starring Paul Blood and Tracy Bath. In order to make this as enjoyable as possible for everyone here are a few ground rules:
1. Don’t bother writing in and telling us what you think of the movies we review. We don’t give a flying fart what you think about them.
2. Don’t bother writing in and suggesting movies for us to review. We’ll review whatever damn movies we feel live up to the code of “Absolutely Most Tasteless, Disgusting and Disturbing”. After all, anybody who knows us by now should be fully aware that we can make that judgment call without any feedback from amateurs.
3. Just for the record, “Absolutely Most Tasteless, Disgusting and Disturbing” can include any movie that has attained Cult status. Movies that have anything to do with zombies, cannibalism, wholesale slaughter of human beings with any of a wide array of weapons and tools (mechanical or not), bathroom humor (both the childish and the more full-blown version that we’re so widely known and adored for), or just basically any movie that you would never consider letting your mother watch are the sort of movies that fall into this category.
4. “Absolutely Most Tasteless, Disgusting and Disturbing” should not be confused with pornography or snuff films, although the movies that we will be reviewing tend to have a hell of a lot of nudity, graphic sexual situations, and wholesale slaughter of human beings with any of a wide array of weapons and tools (mechanical or not).
Paul and I will be reviewing our first round of films this weekend, and we’ll begin providing our feedback on them throughout the week. So don’t any of you folks out there settle for movie reviews by people that don’t know what they’re talking about.
We’ll gladly be providing all the information you need in order to make the decision of “Can I let my kids watch this movie?” and “Should I make sure my wife is out of town before I rent this movie?” And just for the record… the odds are none of the movies we’ll be reviewing are recommended for viewing by anyone under the age of 18, or spouses and significant others that you may be hoping will never leave you.
On the other hand, if you really are hoping that your spouse or significant other will leave you and take the damn kids with them, then these are the movies you’ll want to check out.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Dead or Alive (some things won’t stay down…..even after they die)
The goriest film of all time----New York Daily News
Starring Timothy Balme, Timothy Who ??
Well, Tracy I have to give this one thumb up (yer butt) This is a saga of zombies that just don't know when to quit. After exhausting every method of killing zombies known to mankind, the insides of such said zombies still refuse to give up the ship.
The special effects of this internal organ wretching excuse for a movie is nothing short of spectacular. I won't elaborate on the final scene but I will say a gasoline powered lawn mower is involved. It is also impressive to know that 17 truck loads of animal guts were used in the actual filming.
Nothing like real guts to make it real, really. So I would have to say this is truly a must see. If you're a dark minded person that's run out of drugs then this movie is for you. Even if you still have drugs and beer you'd probably like this movie even more.
Paul Blood
Blood & Bath Productions
Portland, OR
copyright 2005 Blood and Bath Productions, Our motto, If you step in shit you'll smell like it.
***
Dead Alive (1992, New Zealand)
Directed by Peter Jackson
Paul, how many times must I tell you… it’s Dead Alive, not Dead or Alive!
Director Peter Jackson earned Cult Status early in his career by directing movies such as Bad Taste, Meet The Feebles, and this wonderfully tasteless masterpiece – Dead Alive. Any respectable fan of Cult Films has seen this movie, and would gladly see it again. If you love those movies that are so full of blood and gore that you can’t help laughing, then this is the movie for you.
This movie begins with the capture of a Sumatran Rat Monkey, and if you get bitten or scratched by this monkey you’re in big trouble. Eventually, the monkey is taken to a zoo in New Zealand where it winds up biting the over-bearing mother (played by Elizabeth Moody) of the main character, Lionel (played by Timothy Balme). Things get interesting real soon after that, and the rest of the movie is a non-stop, fast paced, hilarious blood and gore fest. If there’s a moral to this movie, then it must be… This is why grown men shouldn’t live with their mothers.
This movie is packed full of memorable scenes such as the creepy veterinarian, the Kung Fu Catholic priest, the birth of a baby zombie, the wonderful lawn mower scene, and the hilarious rebirth scene. One of my personal favorite lines in the whole movie is when Paquita (played by the lovely Diana Penalver) cries
“Your mother ate my dog!” to which Lionel replies
“Not all of it… see?”
If you love over-the-top acting and special effects then this is a must-have movie in any Cult fans collection. This movie is #2 on Tracy’s Favorite All-time Absolutely Most Tasteless, Disgusting and Disturbing Movies list.
Tracy’s Rating = One full thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Reefer Madness (1938, USA)
Directed by Louis J. Gasnier
One of the all-time best known Cult Classics, this movie was originally a serious attempt at warning the public about the “dangers of reefer addiction.” It also demonstrates what happens when people who don’t know what they’re talking about are allowed to talk anyway.
During the early ‘70s this movie attained Cult Status for its dated lingo, exaggerated over-the-top acting, and just plain misinformation. The fact that all of the so-called “teenagers” are played by people who are obviously all over the age of 30 also adds to the entertainment value. For the most part, this movie is in no way brilliant. It’s only redeeming quality is its propaganda point of view, and the fact that there are still people on this planet who take it seriously. Otherwise, the exaggeration of the acting is the only thing that makes this movie remotely funny. If you understand this ahead of time you’ll probably enjoy this movie.
If you enjoy this movie you’ll probably want to check out The Cocaine Fiends (1936) and, Maniac/Narcotic (1934). Rating = ½ a thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Reefer Madness (1938, USA)
"colorized version"
Well, I have to agree with all of Tracy's commentary. This is a cheap propaganda movie from a long time ago. The colorized version is interesting because every time the so-called actors take a hit off a joint the smoke comes out in beautiful shades of pastel colors, such as orange for one person's smoke and purple for another one's.
The most famous star in this movie is the judge. This actor also played the judge in the "Three Stooges" classic short, "Disorder In The Court". Too bad he's not mentioned in the credits of either film. I'm giving the black and white version one half thumb up the butt and the colorized version a full thumb up the butt. (be sure to clean your thumb nails after watching any of these films).
Paul Blood
Blood & Bath Productions Portland, OR
***
Monsturd (2003, USA)
Well just when you thought you’d seen it all, especially after seeing the Turd People in Flesh Gordon Meets The Cosmic Cheerleaders, along come this little gem of a movie. Yes folks, the title says it all, and if you’re expecting an epic motion picture with an unlimited budget and well known actors then you’re in for a real disappointment. On the other hand, if you’re expecting to see one of the most cheapest and cheesiest movies ever made all chock full of bathroom humor then you’re in for a real treat.
Escaped serial killer, Jack Schmitt, is hiding in the sewage treatment plant when something really bad happens in a nearby laboratory. The laboratory simply dumps the problem into the sewage system, which then takes a dump in Jack’s hiding place. Nothing could possibly survive such a horrible fate! Well to make a long story short, Jack winds up evolving into a psychotic killer/poo man. This may sound like a pretty absurd concept for a movie to some people, but if you’re a really sick, twisted individual like me then you’ll really love the humor in this movie.
My favorite line from the movie…
Girl: Daddy, there’s a big number two in the bathroom!
Dad: Daddy’s proud of you sweetheart.
Rating = One full thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Monsturd
made recently (just ask Log).
I have to tell you all that I didn't take a dump for a week after seeing that movie. Well, I'm back to pooing now but I always leave the lights on while I'm doing it. This creature, half man half human dropping, attacks by coming out of the toilet to devour his (it's) victims. This movie is a good argument for leaving the toilet seat down. And here I thought all my ex-girlfriends were just being nagging bitches when they kept telling me to close the lid on the toilet after I was done using it. Now I realize they were only looking out for my safety (pun intended)
All in all I thought this movie was a piece of crap (no pun intended). I had a shitty time watching it. (pun intended). This movie was a real stinker. (insert pun intended joke here). I was disappointed that a turd could be the star of a movie and not one mention of urine through out the film. I'm giving this one a full thumb up the butt. It's just that bad. It's so shitty it's, it's, it's well, SHITTY. Which was the whole idea anyway. Be sure to clean your finger nails after removing thumb.
Paul Blood
Blood & Bath Productions Portland, OR
***
Link Wray at The Tractor in Seattle
Okay, this review has nothing to do with movies, but Link Wray deserves a review here. I know there are a lot of Heathens out there that have never heard of Link Wray, and they’re probably thinking “If he’s such a great legend, why isn’t he in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?” Well folks, let me tell you something… Link Wray doesn’t need to be in any stinking Rock & Roll Hall of Fame – Link Wray IS THE ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME!!!
Back in 1958 Link recorded an instrumental called Rumble. To this day it’s the only instrumental in the history of Rock & Roll to be banned. That’s right folks, an instrumental – banned. Now days, at the ripe old age of 76, Link still occasionally tours the states. And what about the show? Well folks, I’ll say this much… It was the shortest show I’ve ever seen, but it was also one of the best shows I’ve ever seen.
I’ve never before seen a man so old and frail do so much in so little time, and while his whole show barely lasted 30 minutes I loved every second of it. And the ringing in my ears really helped to blot out Paul’s incessant babbling all the way back from Seattle.
Rating: One full thumb up the butt + an ass kick to boot.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
"Back in 1958 Link recorded an instrumental called Rumble"
wrong again Tonto. Rumble was recorded in 1954 and did not chart until late 1957. By mid 1958 it had sold one million copies. And another thing, I was too busy driving home to bother talking to you. and Link played 39 minutes total and that does not count the 4 songs we had to sit through by his absoultly awful back up band. Why was Link hanging out with a Dime Store Elvis????
Link played 6 songs, seven if you count the fact that he played "Jack the Ripper" twice. But you are correct Tonto. The time Link spent playing his guitar was magic. I wonder why he threw his guitar on the floor twice?
Paul Blood aka Imposter
Paul Paulie Family Productions Vancouver, WA
***
Okay Fatso, let's get the story straight...
1956 In Fredricksburg, Virginia a fight broke out in the audience and while onstage, like a bolt of lightening, Link got the idea for the instrumental Rumble. 1958 On St. Patrick’s day Link recorded Rumble on a one track Grundig with brother Doug on drums and Shorty on stand up bass.
Link Wray is known for being the first musician to experiment with the sounds that pioneered rock and roll and punk styles. Link virtually invented fuzz tone by deliberately punching holes in his amplifier speakers. He was also a true pioneer of the use of distortion on instrumental rock recordings.
In the spring of ’58, Rumble was released and quickly rocketed to the top 20. Voted the #1 Rock Instrumental of all time by the Book Of Rock Lists (Dell/Rolling Stone Press) So it's YOU WHO ARE WRONG!!! Take that... Fatso!
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
FOOTNOTE:
It is with great sadness that we inform you that Link Wray passed away from heart failure at his home in Denmark on November 5, 2005. He was buried after a private service at Christians Church in Copenhagen Denmark on November 18, 2005.
Link was a Korean War veteran and very proud of his service to the United States of America.
Link Wray played music for over sixty years, always staying true to himself. Not settling for the "oldies circuit", Link continued to release new music throughout his career. He recently completed a lengthy tour of the states just four short months before his death.
Link Wray laid the foundation of rock and roll guitar, influencing the likes of Pete Townshend, Bob Dylan and Neil Young, as well as hundreds of thousands of musicians and millions of fans all over the world.
Punk rock, grunge, garage, rock guitar, surf, heavy metal and more...it all started with Link Wray. He shared the stage with Patsy Cline and Bruce Springsteen...and just about everyone in between. He is truly an unsung hero of rock and roll.
Link's "Jesus God" has called him home and Heaven is rocking a whole lot harder tonight.
Rest in Peace Link.
Greg Laxton www.WraysShack3Tracks.com
***
Amazon Women in the Avocado Jungle.
Here is a movie to avoid at all costs. It is not funny, though it tries to be. The plot if you can locate one is stupid, rid the jungle of sex starved women who just love to kill men after they’ve fucked them. Considering how the real world is, this is not a far fetched description of reality.
Except the Amazon Jungle is located outside of San Bernardino in an area of California that is not known for it’s rain forest environment. Just desert and rattlesnakes. But forget that. After 25 or so painful minutes of watching this film try to be funny things take a drastic turn for the worse when co-star Bill (the not funny diarrhea guy) Maher arrives on the scene and makes the film even worse than it was before.
Trying way too hard to be funny he only comes off as an arrogant wanna be comedy star that is not only not funny, but makes you want to puke thinking that he makes more money than all of us put together…This is a thumb down into a rat’s asshole which is my lowest rating that I can think of without killing myself for wasting my time trying to watch this complete loser. My advise. Don’t rent it. Unless of course you just love to throw good money out the window.
Paul Blood
***
Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death (1989, USA)
Directed by J.D. Athens and J.F. Lawton
Goddammit Paul, get the title right! It’s Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death!
Now then, with a title like that this movie had so much potential. Yes, I knew it would be bad; practically to the point of downright stupid. Unfortunately, I was more right than wrong. The premise is good. The world’s largest supply of avocados is located in the avocado belt, which covers most of Southern California.
However, deep in the heart of the avocado belt is the Avocado Jungle of Death, which is inhabited by the Piranha Women, who after mating with their men, kill them and eat them. These women are a threat to the world’s avocado supply. Playboy centerfold, Shannon Tweed, is sent to work out a deal with the Piranha Women. Accompanying her is Karen Mistal (from Return of The Killer Tomatoes).
Everything is working okay in this movie so far… and then Bill Maher shows up. Suddenly the humor is reduced to nothing more than sexist wisecracks and cheap, clumsy sight gags. Adrienne Barbeau plays the leader of the Piranha Women, but even that doesn’t save this movie. Overall, there is very little nudity, no cannibalism, and no blood and gore in this movie, but even if there had been it wouldn’t have helped much.
The directors worked way too hard to make this a potential cult classic, but it just doesn’t have the pizzazz to make it so.
Rating = No thumb anywhere near the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Movie review---- Grand Pa Ganja's Marijuana Guide for Seniors (the movie !)
Now here is an informative and straight forward instruction guide for those of us who are getting on in their years. Grand Pa Ganja shows the senior citizen who to roll, smoke and score for your local Hell's Angles. Another aspect is the scientific proof presented in a way that leaves no shadow of a doubt that marijuana is a life giving medicine that also makes you feel groovy.
We are all going to get old someday and know how to keep up your pot connections is vital to continued comfort that aging can sometimes take away. You're as old as you feel. And if you're stoned on pot you feel stoned, not old. This is an extra that runs about 35 minutes or so and you can find it as a bonus when and if you order Reefer Madness on DVD which also contains a colorized version as well as the original black and white version.
I give Grand Pa Ganja's Marijuana Guide for Senior Citizens my highest (no pun intended) rating. One clean thumb up the butt. A must see by all means.
Paul Blood.
***
Grandpa Ganja's Marijuana Handbook (Date unknown)
Director unknown
You say you’re retired and now you have way too much time on your hands? Well then, maybe what your tired aging body needs is that miracle medicine – marijuana! But wait, you don’t know what marijuana is? You don’t know where to get it? You don’t know how to use it? Well just sit back and let Grandpa Ganja tell you all about it.
This short film is a real hoot. What Reefer Madness is in an anti-marijuana exploitative way, Grandpa Ganja's Marijuana Handbook is the pro-marijuana exploitation film. Grandpa Ganja answers all your questions like where to buy marijuana (just stop any Hell’s Angel on the street; he’ll be able to help you out), and how to grow marijuana (just throw the seeds over your neighbor’s fence. That way he’ll get busted instead of you), and so on.
This film is a wonderful extra addition included in the restored DVD version of Reefer Madness.
Rating = One full thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Enter The Lone Ranger (1949, USA)
Director unknown
The original television pilot starring Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels. A wildly popular TV show in its day, this is the first episode that shows just why the hell a guy would wear a mask, never kill anybody, and ride around with an Indian while enforcing the law of the wild west.
Although this is by no means a great movie, it’s a great example of just how cheaply movies were done back then. Yes, this movie has it all: Bad acting, hats that never fall off, guns that never run out of bullets, and people riding horses past that same rock formation over and over again. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed this movie. It’s a rare look at the beginning of one of America’s greatest television good guy heroes.
Rating = One full thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Enter The Lone Ranger, (the original television pilot)
Starring Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels as Tonto.
Upon a rummage through the Dollar Store I happened along a DVD that said it had 2 Dick Tracy detective movies, probably from the late forties to early 50's. BUT, to my surprise inside the case there were no Dick Tracy movies. Instead there was a DVD of the original LONE RANGER television pilot.
This film showed how cheesy the standard of acting was way back in the 50's. The acting and directing is completely cheap and meant to churn out profits for the TV networks in the form of advertising. All of a sudden kids were Kooko for Kooko Craps and frosted sugar was the Ritalin of it's day. So the world has not change that much. And what changes have occurred have been giant leaps back to the same old mistakes.
Too bad the Lone Ranger was just a fictional character. We could really use a Lone Ranger type character to take back this country from the neo-con-men that somehow slip through he cracks and wind up in the White House back rooms giving blow jobs to that Gannon faggot and figuring out ways to make Cheney's pace maker indestructible....Where's a bunch of bullets and high powered hand guns when you really need them.? That's what it's going to take to get our country back from these assholes. (insert political ranting joke here)
I loved this movie because it was so full of crap that I felt like a smelly turd after I watched it. Oh yes, I'm smelly but after sitting through this piece of crap really did feel more crappy than usual. I am giving this movie a thumb up the butt because of the rambling story as well as Jay Silver heels constantly getting the race card played on him. In one scene he goes into town to round up a posse to go out and track down the bad guys. But the neo-nazi corrupt sheriff tells the Indian to scram solely because he was from minority group.
Oh well, Good old Jay Silverheels took their money and invested in Malibu property when it was cheap and he was soon to become a multi-millionaire. .. Clayton Moore appeared as the “Masked Man“ and. made trips to open shopping centers and public events in his Lone Ranger get-up Apparently there was an argument over who had the rights to the Lone Ranger brand name.
Clayton won the lawsuit and continued appearing in costume. Although he had spent a good part of his professional life being typecast as the Lone Ranger he still enjoyed the attention and the honest relationship he had with is fans. Hi Ho Silver, AWAY !
Paul Blood Blood Bath Productions
***
Spider Baby (1964, USA)
Directed by Jack Hill
This movie is also known by such titles as Cannibal Orgy, The Maddest Story Ever Told, and The Liver Eaters. Filmed in only 12 days during 1964, this movie turned out to be Lon Chaney, Jr’s last really good movie. The movie was held up in legal limbo until 1968 when it was finally released in drive-in movie theaters and quickly faded away into obscurity. But after it appeared on home video in the early '80s and was the subject of an enthusiastic essay in the book “RE/Search: Incredibly Strange Films”, the film began to develop a potent cult following and is now regarded as a minor classic of '60s horror.
Lon Chaney, Jr. stars as Bruno, the caretaker for the last few remaining members of a branch of the Merrye family, who suffer from the Merrye Syndrome, a neurological ailment that begins to manifest itself at the age of ten, causing the brain to slowly decay and sending its victims into an alternately violent and infantile state.
Bruno takes good care of the children (played by Sid Haig, Beverly Washburn, and Jill Banner), and always reminds them that it’s “not nice to hate.” And then one day Aunt Emily and Uncle Peter (from the non-afflicted branch of the family) drop by with a lawyer and his secretary in tow, and they have only one thing on their minds – Fire Bruno, have the children committed, and steal the house and any remaining money that might be left in the estate.
But the children are determined to keep the house, and Bruno is determined to protect the children at all cost. Despite the lack of blood and gore, or any serious special effects, this is a really bizarre, creepy, and delightfully hilarious movie. The dinner scene alone is worth the price of the DVD (pay close attention to the tossed salad).
Rating = One full thumb up the butt.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Okay, so this is not a movie review. So what. Dick Dale live in concert---a brief review
At the age of 68 Dick Dale is playing some of the finest music of his career. His signature guitar howl and deep bass notes are enough to rattle the fillings in your teeth. He stands 6 foot 3 and when he starts really getting into it, it seems as if you have transcended into a dimension of sound and thunder as majestic as the Taj Mahal.
Song after song it just got better and better. He did all if not most of his old material as well as a couple of new songs but wait ! To my surprise Dick played an outstanding version of Link Wray's "Rumble"... Dick also played a good long show being just a few minutes shy of 2 hours. If Dick Dale ever plays anywhere close to where you are drop everything and get your ass over to see him play. You won't be sorry.
Paul Blood Blood Bath Productions
***
Pink Flamingos (1972, USA)
Directed by John Waters
This was John Waters’ third feature film, and the first one he made in color. It was shot on a budget of only $12,000 and grossed over $10 million. This is also the movie that earned him his reputation, and make no mistake; he really raised the bar on this one folks. Oh sure, you may have heard the stories, and you may have seen brief film clips, but nothing can really prepare you for watching this movie for the first time.
Even though this movie was released way back in 1972, it still holds its own as far as being what is probably the most tasteless, perverted, bizarre, and yet still surprisingly funny movie ever made. Those of you who know me know that I’m not an easily offended person, but after watching this movie I was speechless, and it’s now been two weeks since I watched it and only now am I able to even attempt to describe this movie.
Don’t get me wrong… I actually enjoyed watching this movie, although there were scenes that nearly drove me to run screaming from the room. I will admit though, the scene where they eat the police was pretty damn funny. Okay, so what’s the big deal? What’s it all about? Well to start with it stars Divine (AKA Harris Glenn Milstead, who died in 1988 at the age of 42), who plays the part of Babs Johnson. Babs claims to be “The filthiest person alive”, and she doesn’t take her title lightly.
Babs lives in a trailer outside of Baltimore with her son, Crackers; her traveling companion, Cotton; and her mother – a very strange, overweight woman who spends all day and night sitting in a playpen and has an unusual fixation about eggs. During the course of all the usual strange things they do everyday, along come Connie and Raymond Marble, a well to do couple with equally odd habits who are determined to take away Babs’ title as “The filthiest person alive”.
Babs of course does not back down from anyone who threatens her title. What follows are endless scenes of some of the most bizarre behavior ever recorded on film. Those of you who are easily shocked should stay far, far away from this movie. But if you’re really in the mood to challenge yourself then this movie has it all. You name it, it’s in this movie… homoerotica, bestiality, murder, rape, cannibalism, sexual perversions of every kind, the most unlikely person you would ever want to invite to a party to show off their “Stupid Human Trick”, and if you can make it all the way to the end of the movie you’ll be treated to the infamous coprophagia scene. If you don’t know what coprophagia is, you’ll find out at the end of the movie.
It would be so easy for me to just say “this is the worst movie I’ve ever seen”, but considering what a landmark cult classic this movie has become, and the fact that John Waters has spent the rest of his life trying to top it, and I’m not sure that he ever will, I have to give this movie the credit it truly deserves.
Rating = One full thumb up the butt – which oddly enough is one of the very few things you will not see in this movie.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
***
Pink Flamingos (1972, USA)
Directed by John Waters
What can I say??? After the film finished my DVD player went on the blink. It just couldn't take it. And neither could I. If you can avoid this faggott monster of a film do so at all costs. This movie was just plain improper in every way know to man and animal alike. One of the vomit inducing scenes shows a male contortionist who can open his asshole and shoot out the inside of his rectum (nearly killed him).
The star of the movie, Devine, rekindled my childhood fear of circus clowns. And then for good measure at the end of this loser Devine eats fresh dog shit with his fingers. No knife and fork here. Not even a spoon. This movie is a cult classic. I never knew there were that many people out there with such bad taste that would pay to see this film. But they're out there as the box office doesn’t lie.
After this film I have been turned off about anything that has to do with the digestive system.. So I'll leave my thumb out of my but and warn all of you with any class or manners not to go see this film. However if you’re a sick, boogar flicking, belching bald guy than this movie is just what the doctor ordered.
Paul Blood Blood Bath Productions
666 Sewer Plant Lane Portland, OR
***
Gee Paul, I thought you enjoyed Divine’s performance in Lust In The Dust.
Tracy (Never had a nickname) McCall
Head Writer, Singer, Songwriter,
and Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
posted by The Paulie Family at 4:11 PM
5 Comments:
Well Anonymous, obviously you didn’t read the rules and have choosen to tell us what you think about the movie. Normally we don’t allow that here on the Blood & Bath Movie Review, but since you feel so strongly about the movie I’m going to respond to your comment.
You claim that Lust In The Dust is a better movie than Pink Flamingos based soley on the fact that Lust In The Dust was not directed by that faggot, John Waters. So let’s examine the facts:
1. Lust In The Dust stars Divine, who is none other than the late Harris Glenn Milstead in drag.
2. In Pink Flamingos it is Divine, and not John Waters, who is clearly seen performing fellatio.
3. You seem to be very homophobic, and yet you claim that Lust In The Dust was a milestone of a movie. Did you enjoy seeing half a treasure map tattooed on Divine’s ass in Lust In The Dust?
4. You seem to be suggesting that Divine was a brilliant actor as long as he wasn’t being directed by John Waters, even though Divine made all of his fame and fortune as a cross-dresser.
By the way folks, if you’re too embarassed to identify yourselves on this blog then maybe you should be seeking entertainment elsewhere. At least have the courtesy of making up a fake name, don’t default to calling yourselves Anonymous just because you don’t have an imagination.
Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCall
Head Writer
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
"Lust in the Dust"? Is that the same as a saw dust on the floor whore house?
No, you’re either thinking of the saw dust on the floors of those back rooms at the circus freak shows, or a Mexican Donkey Bar.
Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCAll
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dear Smoke,
We happen to enjoy our dependence, so take your spam links elsewhere.
Tracy (Never Had A Nickname) McCAll
Head Writer,
Singer, Songwriter,
Attorney at Log
Paulie Family Productions
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